Not Being Self-Centered: It’s So Easy, UB4me Can Build Relationships

WRITTEN July 16, 2020 Author: Rich Atkins

Did You Know It Is Not All About You?

Not Being Self-Centered: UB4me 

I want you to think about this. I think we should all speak less about ourselves and focus more on others. I do this, and it’s quite effective. I encourage you to do the same. I will be more memorable to people by showing that I’m interested in them.

That was hard to write! Every sentence in the first paragraph began with the personal pronoun “I.” The subject of each of those sentences is the speaker (or writer). It’s entirely I-focused.

I, I, I…
Me, me, me…
My, my, my… 

What does that tell an audience? 

It tells readers/listeners that the speaker thinks only of him/herself: I am focused on ME! I think first of ME, then you. It’s ME before others.” However, that is not the message you want to send.

Do you want to be more impactful and interesting to the people you meet, network with, and sell to? Talk about them! Get them to talk about themselves, their interests, their goals and expected outcomes.

The best conversationalists ask questions of others. 

Think about some of the late-night talk show hosts you’ve seen and LOVE. What makes them so lovable? Firstly, it’s because they are animated and enthusiastic about the people they’re interviewing. Secondly, they ask lots of questions and don’t talk so much about themselves. Ultimately, they are not being self-centered.

Focus, focus, focus on the speaker. Don’t think about yourself or what you’re going to say next. When you only wait for the other person to finish talking so that you can make your point, that means you are not paying attention. As a result, you probably have no idea what that person is saying.

Another thing you can do to get away from self-focus is to use inclusive pronouns, however what does that mean? It means that we choose words that include others as well. For instance, say things like “Tell us…” instead of “Tell me…”

I want you to write down some facts about… Write down some facts about…
I’m going to give you 30 minutes to… You’ll have 30 minutes to…
I need you to look at…” Look at…

Be polite – add the benefit. On their own, the statements above can sound somewhat bossy. They may seem to be disrespectfully ordering people to perform actions. To soften these kinds of statements, we add the benefit that they person will receive from doing the thing we’re telling them to do:

“Sell” your ideas to others based on the benefits of acting on them. Ask: “How will doing / knowing this benefit the recipient?” The best salespeople know and practice our UB4me principle. In the end, the best results come to you when you are not being self-centered.

I want to give a great presentation Give a great presentation so that you can win your prospect’s business.

UB4me: Put “You” before “me.”

This information is from the Improving Communications Public Speaking training class. If you’re looking for ways to improve your overall communication skills, register for one of our upcoming public classes in NYC.

Other Resources:

10 Steps to Effective Listening

How Good Are Your Listening Skills?

How to be Human: How can I stop making everything about me?

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